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Doug Bedell's avatar

My wife went through similar physical and mental symptoms. She used to say she had lost her ability to achieve joy. She was so tired during her Keytruda treatment for Stage IV lung cancer that she could wear herself out just eating a meal. Unfortunately she passed away last week after a steady six-month decline. She was cancer-free as far as we know. Her last scan in January was clear, anyway. I pray that the cure will be kinder to you. The capacity for joy should not be underestimated.

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Kanoa Withington's avatar

Thank you for putting into words what many of us experience quietly and alone. It's an odd comfort to hear your complaints because they validate my own.

As one of your patients I can vouch for the credit earned by your relentless positivity and caring. A quirk of quarantine means almost all of my interactions are in writing and looking at them now I see such a frightened and self-centered twit I can't imagine how you put up with me. There it is in my own words and that too is oddly comforting because no matter how I feel about circumstances I'm slightly less paranoid and slightly less self-centered so I can say the requisite "doing fine" and "feeling better" without the sense I might be lying just because that's not exactly the circular track my mind runs around.

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