The throat constriction and pain while eating which you describe so vividly sound pretty rough and you certainly have our utmost sympathy for what you must endure to get better.
I know you can handle this, but the cost is obviously very high and we are so grateful you are in a supportive and beautiful environment. We think of you every day and happy to help with anything you may need on our end.
Just wanted you to know that I stopped by the office yesterday and Afsoun is doing great and is a real caring and competent trooper for all of your patients in your absence.
Your elocution and ability to articulate such intricate thought is spellbinding and inspirational, Buzz. I'm rooting for you. Not for your survival... we know that's going to happen. I'm rooting for you to find all the jewels of existence that are buried inside your journey with 'struggle'. Thank you for sharing so vulnerably.
As a caregiver and a patient I have lived through cisplatin as administered to Barbara and 30 radiation treatments to my salivary glands in 1997. Isn’t it amazing how much damage a five second buzz aimed at the sensitive linings of our throats can do. It will hurt to eat and drink but it will get better.
You are blessed to be surrounded by your loving family, the best medical team anywhere and hundreds of friends and patients who are rooting for you. Get better!
This is wonderfully articulate and beautifully sharing writing from you Buzz. Certainly the inspiration for all of it isn't very welcome but it is an inspiration to us to know there are people like you in the world. I can only pray that a small portion of your upbeat attitude will rub off on the rest of us who have nothing much to complain about at all.
It’s appealing. So appealing. I mean, it makes some biological sense, and I can believe it could reduce nausea etc. The problem is the incessant battle vs weight loss! If I only get 1500 cal in a day (only slipped that low once) that is a half-pound drop right there. I average 2200-2300 cal/day and still my 5’10” frame has dropped from 160# to 153# in the 2.5 weeks I have been measuring. I want nothing more than to fast since nothing tastes good and I am almost never hungry… but there is no way I could choke down enough calories on the back end to avoid some pretty worrisome weight loss, not to mention the concerns for protein wasting/muscle atrophy if I don’t maintain adequate protein intake. More on this with my next post!
I have been intermittent fasting regularly during my treatment for Stage IV colon cancer. I’ve done between 24 hours and 5 day water fasts. The drug regimen I am on, however, is actually more notorious for weight gain from the steroids than weight loss.
I have had great success with fasting and feel like it has helped tremendously with maintaining my health during treatment and making treatment more effective.
Your story about your chemo friend reminded me of a documentary I saw years ago about the widows of 9/11 first responders. One of the woman told a story about being recruited by her friend to join her in Africa with her nonprofit that helped women who had survived a horrible war. The widow had been very depressed after her husband’s death but decided to go.
She choked up when describing how these women - who she was supposed to be there to help - women who had witnessed the most awful atrocities like having their children raped and murdered before their eyes, were all concerned about her. How was she doing? How was she faring after her husband’s death?
That story has always remained with me. Even in the midst of our own suffering, we should and can still be concerned about the suffering of others. Beautiful post.
For some reason I am relieved to hear I am not the only person wondering if I could choke on my own saliva, which is almost like something out of Spinal Tap! I’m glad to hear you are on the north side of your treatment. The magic mouthwash does almost nothing for me, sadly, but I try it periodically. And, yes, I will close by saying that as one of those people gifted with a highly regular bowel… I do not like chemo gut!
Best wishes for as gentle a treatment and recovery as possible. Suggested topic of research for you: what role could local or topical analgesics play in chemo radiation treatment and recovery?
I've been reading the "Buzz About Medicine" substack since this summer and I absolutely love it and your takes on Twitter. I was shocked to see the latest "Buzz" article reference this new blog. I'm so sorry you and your family are going through this. (It also makes me very glad that I gave up chewing/dipping tobacco when I got married a few years ago.)
Thank you so much for sharing your experience in such a transparent and humorous way. Your insight and perspective are even more valuable now! With that said, please take care and don't let SubStack take any more time away from recuperation, rest, and family than is absolutely necessary!
Thank you for this lovely comment. It truly made my day when I saw it. And God yes… no tobacco! As the one thing everyone can agree increases multiple cancer risks, it is just not worth it :)
I was diagnosed with an as yet not determined form of non-Hodgkin cancer in 2020, and found myself adrift in an ugly pool of emotions.
It took a couple of weeks, but eventually I used my few remaining logical brain cells to arrive at a boolean question. The question ignores whether you may live with or die from your cancer..
My choices:
1. Do you want to be miserable for the rest of your life, Dennis?
2. Or do you want to wake up every morning and see the sun peaking above the tops of those majestic Maine white pine trees in your back yard. If you choose #2 then it does not matter when or even if you will die from this newly discovered cancer. And thus I am obligated to find more and more joy in my life.
No, my wife wouldn't let me buy a Maserati, but I've since forgiven her.
My family doctor was well trained and read. During a routine visit to remove what I thought was a sebaceous cyst on my neck, just like the one I'd had removed 10 or 15 years early on my neck.
I thank God she recognized it as a potential cancer. She quickly excised part of that lump and sent it off to the lab at our cancer center. Yes, the lab report said non-Hodgkin lymphoma. It was a few days before the Christmas holiday.
One of my doctor friends went to the lab and raised holy cane until they agreed to finish their analysis.
That and the support from my wife, son and friends got me through the holidays.
As did the analysis that my cancer was an indolent form, and with modern treatments may turn into a chronic disease rather than a death sentence.
I suspect Dr. Hollander, you may have seen many people arrive at my equation.
And yes, I normally will have a battle between my optimistic side and the little devil who pops up to tell me how miserable I should be. Ms. Optimism keeps on winning that battle
I wish you and yours all the best. And if your prognosis really is 7 weeks, find as much joy as you can.
After all, I enjoy reading your essays, and thus have a tiny dog in your fight.
Great comment! And I apologize for the grabby title - I’ve got 7 weeks of this chemoradiation to live through if I want to live — which I do, since I feel like I don’t have a choice about parenting my daughters a good while longer. It’s an interesting way to spend 7 weeks, I can say after living through 3 of them. I’d like more of your optimism, though, to be sure! It can be hard to find at times. Many thanks for writing - Buzz
I’m so grateful that you have the opportunities for the Nature nurture. (That’s always been essential for me too.). Thank you for including the photos. Who could possibly have imagined what the treatment you showed looks like, let alone to experience. The stuff of nightmares and sci-fi!
I, like most of us, discovered your writing as a voice of sanity during the pandemic. Just as checking on your patient, even during your fight with cancer, reflects your compassion and true caring, I felt guilty this morning at not checking on your substack feed in a couple months. Reading the series is engrossing because your "voice" that we have all come to love and respect shines though. Honest, brave, analytical, and able to take a complex subject and drill down to the essentials for the lay person. God bless you, and please understand that those that know you only through your writing feel so much for you and your family. Take Care Doctor and here's to a a great outcome.
Well, despite the natural concern and unhappiness that arises because you have to undergo all this, I feel elevated by your introspection and willingness to share all this. And if that sounds too formal, my first inclination was just to say, "Go Buzz!"
Buzz,
The throat constriction and pain while eating which you describe so vividly sound pretty rough and you certainly have our utmost sympathy for what you must endure to get better.
I know you can handle this, but the cost is obviously very high and we are so grateful you are in a supportive and beautiful environment. We think of you every day and happy to help with anything you may need on our end.
Just wanted you to know that I stopped by the office yesterday and Afsoun is doing great and is a real caring and competent trooper for all of your patients in your absence.
Much aloha,
jer
Your elocution and ability to articulate such intricate thought is spellbinding and inspirational, Buzz. I'm rooting for you. Not for your survival... we know that's going to happen. I'm rooting for you to find all the jewels of existence that are buried inside your journey with 'struggle'. Thank you for sharing so vulnerably.
Hi Buzz,
As a caregiver and a patient I have lived through cisplatin as administered to Barbara and 30 radiation treatments to my salivary glands in 1997. Isn’t it amazing how much damage a five second buzz aimed at the sensitive linings of our throats can do. It will hurt to eat and drink but it will get better.
You are blessed to be surrounded by your loving family, the best medical team anywhere and hundreds of friends and patients who are rooting for you. Get better!
Rick
This is wonderfully articulate and beautifully sharing writing from you Buzz. Certainly the inspiration for all of it isn't very welcome but it is an inspiration to us to know there are people like you in the world. I can only pray that a small portion of your upbeat attitude will rub off on the rest of us who have nothing much to complain about at all.
Edit: local or topical anesthesia
Hi Buzz,
Best wishes, hope you're well.
What are your thoughts on the research showing fasting during chemo/radiation reduces side effects and improves efficacy? Have you tried it?
It’s appealing. So appealing. I mean, it makes some biological sense, and I can believe it could reduce nausea etc. The problem is the incessant battle vs weight loss! If I only get 1500 cal in a day (only slipped that low once) that is a half-pound drop right there. I average 2200-2300 cal/day and still my 5’10” frame has dropped from 160# to 153# in the 2.5 weeks I have been measuring. I want nothing more than to fast since nothing tastes good and I am almost never hungry… but there is no way I could choke down enough calories on the back end to avoid some pretty worrisome weight loss, not to mention the concerns for protein wasting/muscle atrophy if I don’t maintain adequate protein intake. More on this with my next post!
I have been intermittent fasting regularly during my treatment for Stage IV colon cancer. I’ve done between 24 hours and 5 day water fasts. The drug regimen I am on, however, is actually more notorious for weight gain from the steroids than weight loss.
I have had great success with fasting and feel like it has helped tremendously with maintaining my health during treatment and making treatment more effective.
Your story about your chemo friend reminded me of a documentary I saw years ago about the widows of 9/11 first responders. One of the woman told a story about being recruited by her friend to join her in Africa with her nonprofit that helped women who had survived a horrible war. The widow had been very depressed after her husband’s death but decided to go.
She choked up when describing how these women - who she was supposed to be there to help - women who had witnessed the most awful atrocities like having their children raped and murdered before their eyes, were all concerned about her. How was she doing? How was she faring after her husband’s death?
That story has always remained with me. Even in the midst of our own suffering, we should and can still be concerned about the suffering of others. Beautiful post.
Life ain't fair, is well established but The Universe picking on the coolest and funniest MD ever is beyond the pale...
(and boy can he write!)
General Surgeon and survivor Buccal Cell CA stage 4b. Resection/pedicle graft recon, adjuvant CXRT.
My regimen which helped me follows:
When I was strapped to the table as in your picture and towards the middle/end of my Trx (67ish Gy) I would start choking on my saliva.
I always thought, “ is this it, this is how I’m going to go?
The one thought I’d counter with was the Dave Chappelle line from his skit regarding dancing with the stars audition…”Not Today!”
I agree with Jenny Brundage-
I used a magic mouth wash combo of dilute carafate and viscous lidocaine this allowed my to drink @ 20 min/dose
I drank Chocolate (only flavor I could remotely taste) MET-RX RTD 50 with 3 table spoons olive oil tid followed by 25 OZ mildly warm water.
1 tbs bid Metamucil- even so chemo gut is real
No vit during Trx but now swish and swallow COX- 2 inhibitor with liquid Vit A&E
Initially I thought I was going to die and fail my family but did not. I’m 2.5 years out.
I’m sure you’ll be a survivor and be stronger for it.
For some reason I am relieved to hear I am not the only person wondering if I could choke on my own saliva, which is almost like something out of Spinal Tap! I’m glad to hear you are on the north side of your treatment. The magic mouthwash does almost nothing for me, sadly, but I try it periodically. And, yes, I will close by saying that as one of those people gifted with a highly regular bowel… I do not like chemo gut!
I feel you..total shocker to me re: cancer dx. And everything which followed.
Walked out from the ENT office to a sunny New England day with a whole new perspective.
Treatment is pain but hopefully one which sharpens iron.
If I can be of assistance feel free to drop me a line.
Best wishes for as gentle a treatment and recovery as possible. Suggested topic of research for you: what role could local or topical analgesics play in chemo radiation treatment and recovery?
They’ve not helped me yet — and the data is surprisingly discouraging — but I’ll keep trying them, esp as my mouth gets worse. Not much to lose!
I've been reading the "Buzz About Medicine" substack since this summer and I absolutely love it and your takes on Twitter. I was shocked to see the latest "Buzz" article reference this new blog. I'm so sorry you and your family are going through this. (It also makes me very glad that I gave up chewing/dipping tobacco when I got married a few years ago.)
Thank you so much for sharing your experience in such a transparent and humorous way. Your insight and perspective are even more valuable now! With that said, please take care and don't let SubStack take any more time away from recuperation, rest, and family than is absolutely necessary!
Thank you for this lovely comment. It truly made my day when I saw it. And God yes… no tobacco! As the one thing everyone can agree increases multiple cancer risks, it is just not worth it :)
I was diagnosed with an as yet not determined form of non-Hodgkin cancer in 2020, and found myself adrift in an ugly pool of emotions.
It took a couple of weeks, but eventually I used my few remaining logical brain cells to arrive at a boolean question. The question ignores whether you may live with or die from your cancer..
My choices:
1. Do you want to be miserable for the rest of your life, Dennis?
2. Or do you want to wake up every morning and see the sun peaking above the tops of those majestic Maine white pine trees in your back yard. If you choose #2 then it does not matter when or even if you will die from this newly discovered cancer. And thus I am obligated to find more and more joy in my life.
No, my wife wouldn't let me buy a Maserati, but I've since forgiven her.
My family doctor was well trained and read. During a routine visit to remove what I thought was a sebaceous cyst on my neck, just like the one I'd had removed 10 or 15 years early on my neck.
I thank God she recognized it as a potential cancer. She quickly excised part of that lump and sent it off to the lab at our cancer center. Yes, the lab report said non-Hodgkin lymphoma. It was a few days before the Christmas holiday.
One of my doctor friends went to the lab and raised holy cane until they agreed to finish their analysis.
That and the support from my wife, son and friends got me through the holidays.
As did the analysis that my cancer was an indolent form, and with modern treatments may turn into a chronic disease rather than a death sentence.
I suspect Dr. Hollander, you may have seen many people arrive at my equation.
And yes, I normally will have a battle between my optimistic side and the little devil who pops up to tell me how miserable I should be. Ms. Optimism keeps on winning that battle
I wish you and yours all the best. And if your prognosis really is 7 weeks, find as much joy as you can.
After all, I enjoy reading your essays, and thus have a tiny dog in your fight.
Great comment! And I apologize for the grabby title - I’ve got 7 weeks of this chemoradiation to live through if I want to live — which I do, since I feel like I don’t have a choice about parenting my daughters a good while longer. It’s an interesting way to spend 7 weeks, I can say after living through 3 of them. I’d like more of your optimism, though, to be sure! It can be hard to find at times. Many thanks for writing - Buzz
I am relieved that your poorly written headline did not deal with your live expectancy, Buzz 😊
Buzz ~ Yay, platinum, meditation, steroids, Brown Cow Cream Top Yogurt, and Colace....JoAnn
I’m so grateful that you have the opportunities for the Nature nurture. (That’s always been essential for me too.). Thank you for including the photos. Who could possibly have imagined what the treatment you showed looks like, let alone to experience. The stuff of nightmares and sci-fi!
Loveandhuggg to you and family, Hermine and Niel
I, like most of us, discovered your writing as a voice of sanity during the pandemic. Just as checking on your patient, even during your fight with cancer, reflects your compassion and true caring, I felt guilty this morning at not checking on your substack feed in a couple months. Reading the series is engrossing because your "voice" that we have all come to love and respect shines though. Honest, brave, analytical, and able to take a complex subject and drill down to the essentials for the lay person. God bless you, and please understand that those that know you only through your writing feel so much for you and your family. Take Care Doctor and here's to a a great outcome.
That’s a lovely thing to say, so nice I even told my wife about it!
Well, despite the natural concern and unhappiness that arises because you have to undergo all this, I feel elevated by your introspection and willingness to share all this. And if that sounds too formal, my first inclination was just to say, "Go Buzz!"